Teachers Please STOP Saying This to Your Students

36. That’s the number of years in my life that I have spent in a school setting both as a student and as a teacher. Throughout this time I have heard many lines spoken by teachers in the halls, classes, and staff rooms that have made me laugh, cry, question, feel confused, get angry and more. While emotions do play a pivotal role in the learning process, I believe we as teachers need to be very mindful of what we say to our students and consider the intended and unintended effects of our words. We want to ensure that we are supporting, encouraging, and challenging our students in appropriate ways and not confusing, misleading or giving them false impressions about themselves and/or the world around them.

While there are many traditional lines that have been used in schools to warn and/or scare students into compliance, there is one that makes me cringe every time I hear it. It is one that creates a very gloomy picture of the world outside of school as well as a world that is very “tough and unforgiving”.

“In the Real World…” You can Never Make a Mistake?

“…you won’t get a do over.”

“…you’ll get fired if you show up to work late.”

“…you’ll lose your job if you don’t complete your work on time.”

This type of statement is so commonly used whenever a student or group of students do something that goes against the school/classroom expectations. In most circumstances, this line is used to outline what the student has done inappropriately, and if left completely unattended and unchanged, what it might lead to way off in the future. It’s essentially saying that “you might try that here at school but once you are finished school that behaviour will never be acceptable.” While this might seem like a good lesson to teach our students, it is flawed in a few key ways, such as:

• It ignores the real world, their real world. There is no pretend world and real world; rather, everything that happens within our daily lives is part of our real world. Therefore, trying to create the impression that school is a pretend world that is preparing them to enter the ‘big leagues’ is incredibly misleading and flat out wrong!
• It creates the impression that the world is a very unforgiving place (which it can be at times) where we can never make a mistake. Ironically, many of the things teachers are saying they’ll not be able to get away with do in fact happen (eg. how many teachers get fired for not submitting their marks in on time?) and those dire warnings never come to be.
• Students experience new challenges as they age and do not have the luxury of hindsight and reflection (nor the cognitive processing) as adults do. Many of the behaviours that land them in this type of discussion are likely new to them and/or have happened in the past without any support to help them navigate more effectively through them. Can we blame them if nobody has effectively stepped in to help them?

Instead of an “in the real world” pitch, consider the following steps to support your student(s) in overcoming their concerning behaviours:

1. Curiosity before Judgement: Explore what might have led to the concerning behaviour.

Rather than approaching a student who has not turned in their assignment and issuing the real world chat, invite the student(s) to explain what might have led to it not getting done on time.

2. History: Is it a trend or a one-off?

As students are learning more in school than just curriculum, it is important to also help them learn about their work habits and tendencies. If they are continually demonstrating concerning behaviours (eg. handing work in late) then we need to support them in exploring new ways to work through those challenges. If it is a one-time behaviour then speaking with them through step 1 (above) should likely remedy the situation.

3. Empower the Student(s): Invite them to create a solution

One of the most effective ways to instill a sense of control and empowerment in our students is to enable them to find solutions to individual challenges. Through this approach students develop more ownership over their actions (vs. following commands from an adult) and are more likely to hold themselves accountable rather than having to please others. You might have to support them in the early stages of their attempts (especially for younger students) and/or if they falter, but that is one of the many reasons we are there to support them: to help them become self-regulated learners and citizens.

4. How is it Going? Checking for growth

As the student is implementing their strategies for change, check in with them periodically to see how they are doing. It is very likely that this type of planning for behaviour change is new for them and there are many factors that could lead it astray. These check ins could be quick chats in the hall, outside on the school grounds, in the cafeteria of whenever you might have a moment to speak with them away from the friends. It is also a good idea to schedule in some more intentional discussion/reflection time with the student to allow them to explain their thoughts and what they have learned.

By no means do these steps represent an exhaustive list of how to help students take ownership and alter their behaviours. What these steps do offer is a process to place the student, and whatever challenges they might be experiencing, at the focus of the attention (i.e. between you and them) rather than summing it up as a completely unacceptable behaviour in some far off world. In using these steps, we show the student(s) that we care about them, we want them to succeed, we will help them, and we are allowing them to gradually take ownership over their choices in life (relatively of course).

As teachers, we should want to do this because “in the real world“:

• We do get second chances to fix our mistakes (of course this is contextual)
• Companies have built in support services for the challenges of their employees
• Companies, and post-secondary schools do provide extensions for late work
• People care about helping others overcome their challenges and that is the message that I want my students to hear and understand.

What are your experiences with this line? Has it helped the students overcome the concerning behaviours that landed them in this discussion? Do you have other suggestions that could support our students to navigate more effectively through their challenges and ultimately help them develop the work habits to engage in our society? Please leave a comment and let me know.